Starting Over

I know it has been a long time since my last post. I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I'm still around. I have had to take some time off from triathlon due to ulcerative colitis (in case you didn't read the last post). I've already committed to sharing the good, bad and ugly of my triathlon adventure, but I will spare the messy details. You're welcome.

I guess the good thing about having my season so rudely interrupted is that it's so hot in Henderson, NV (yes, I moved) that the triathlon season is just now starting.  As long as I can get healthy, I can have a do-over for 2015 and squeeze in a couple races.

One of the most important things that you have to remember is that you have to take care of your body. Triathlon is great exercise and it's a lot of fun. But there may come a time when you need to stop and take a break. Your health comes first. Knowing when to call it isn't easy, but you need to be safe and healthy.

I spent the summer training as much as I possibly could for Nationals and Silverman 70.3. My summer training did not go as planned. I could not put in the volume or the effort that I would normally spend on training. The pain was getting worse and I had no idea how many calories I was actually absorbing. I had to learn to re-plan my workouts, which is really hard for someone like me who likes to schedule and plan everything. If I had a good day, I would train hard. If I was too sick, I either did a lighter training session, or had to take the day off. It was difficult mentally to cut a workout short. I had to learn to focus on the success of the workouts that I was able to complete and try to let go of the ones that I could not.

I was really excited for the Tri for Real series since I have made huge improvements over the past few years. I was coming off of a good race in Auburn that built my confidence, and I really wanted to PR. I was not well the day before, but I tried to convince myself that I could race anyway. I hadn't kept enough food in the day before or that morning. I knew it was a bad idea to race, but I went out there, and got set up. It was not until my warm-up that I was really honest with myself. I knew at that point that if I started that race, I would not finish. I ended up withdrawing. I cried when I got home, but it was the right decision. The next month, I was able to have a great race at the second Tri for Real, coming in second overall and only 2 minutes off my PR. I was really excited about this comeback, and I couldn't wait to go to Nationals.

Everything came to a screeching halt at the end of July. I was not absorbing enough calories or water no matter how hard I tried. I was down 12 pounds by this point. There were several days where it was a challenge just getting off the couch to go to the bathroom. I didn't want to give up on Nationals, but my good training days were dwindling and I couldn't maintain a healthy weight for triathlon. I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to race, but I wasn't ready to admit it. I was eventually told that I needed to think about getting IV steroids. As an athlete, my first thought was a defiant, "Okay, I'll think about it after Nationals." But the reasonable, future doctor part of the brain kicked in and decided that it was time to stop. My bike was lonely all boxed up and ready to go to Milwaukee, but it had to sit in my living room by itself instead while I went to the hospital to get some steroids.

Now comes the starting over. In my mind, I was still planning on doing Silverman  70.3. I thought I was going to break out of the hospital all ready to go and start training again. It didn't happen quite like that, unfortunately. I'm still not really at a true "starting over" point since I'm still not in remission. I keep thinking I'll just wake up and feel fine again. My alarm clock is set for 5:00 A.M. every day just in case that is the day that it will all go away so I can train as usual. Most of the time it hasn't happened. It's gut wrenching when I realize that I can't workout. I know how hard everyone else is training and I want to be there, too. I want nothing more than to throw on my running shoes and post on Facebook about my amazing brick workout. But it isn't happening. I feel as if I'm lazy or not tough enough, or just full of excuses. What is a triathlete to do without triathlon? Studying Biochemistry at 5:00 in the morning is just a sad way to start the day. My bike isn't the only one feeling lonely.

I'm planning on doing Austin 70.3 with an Olympic distance a couple weeks before. I don't know how the next two months are going to go (it currently it hasn't been good), but I'm planning for the best, and taking it day-by-day. I am going to have to be smart about training by listening to my body and monitoring my food intake more than ever before. Hopefully my do-over will come. Otherwise, there's still next year.

Train smart and have fun. You only have one body. Take care of it. Enjoy the time that you have to do what you love because you don't know if or when things are going to change. Take advantage of the good days.

My parents definitely get a huge thank you for being by my side and taking care of me through all of this. Thank you for all of your love and support.