One of the things that I absolutely love about triathlon, and the endurance community in general, is the people, the spirit, and the camaraderie. Athletes are always so supportive of each other. Triathlon is a great way to meet incredible people and amazing friends. When athletes pass each other, you will always hear "good job," or "keep up the good work," "looking good," etc. When athletes have flats, mechanicals, injuries, or whatever, there will always be other athletes and support asking to help.
I have been fortunate to have experienced a lot of these positives in my life. Being diagnosed with any chronic illness is life changing. I have always been the type of person who thought that I could control everything. I have learned that I can't. I felt so isolated- as if no one could possibly know what I was going through. I felt guilty for being an inconvenience. I felt guilty for not following through with my dreams in triathlon and school. I felt guilty for being slow with my responsibilities and school work. I convinced myself that I must have done something wrong in my life, and I even asked my mom if I killed a box of puppies or something terrible when I was a kid. I knew that it somehow had to be my fault. I felt worthless. I felt like a failure. I kept wondering if all of this was real or if I was imagining the whole thing (Parts of the manifestations of the 5 stages of grief...)
Ulcerative Colitis is one of those things that a lot of people don't like to talk about because a lot of the symptoms are embarrassing or taboo to talk about socially. It is something that others cannot see on the outside, so many people decide to hide how they feel. If it weren't for already having this blog, I probably would not have talked about my disease either. But I've already shared a lot about my triathlon journey, and health is most definitely relevant to triathlon.
Looking back on the past year and a half, I have come to realize that I am incredibly lucky to have such a great support system. My family is going through this just as much as I am. They can't feel the physical pain, but they see it. They can feel the emotional pain. They've been there for me to take care of me. Whenever I have shared or talked about my experiences with friends, they've all been there for me. I was really excited to be able to represent my new (starting in 2015) sponsor Rudy Project at USAT Nationals last year. I was looking forward to meeting them in person at their booth at the race expo because they have been so nice to me. When I realized that I could not go to Nationals because I was sick, I dreaded making the phone call because I felt guilty for not being there when Rudy Project has been so great to me and fun to represent (with fabulous sunglasses and helmets). When I talked to them, they told me to take care of my health first. It is truly amazing to be able to work with such a great company and to know that they are supportive.
I just wanted to take the time to say thank you to everyone who has been there for me. Thank you to my family and friends who have taken care of me. Thank you for giving me injections (because I don't like needles). Thank you for driving me around when I needed help. Thank you for listening to and reading about all of my goings on. Thank you for learning about ulcerative colitis and asking questions about what I'm dealing with. Thank you for sharing your class notes. Thank you for feeding my cat and taking care of my tree. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms when I am training or hanging out (special shoutout to my Total Intensity Sports peeps). Thank you to Rudy Project for your support (I will race again! Hopefully in the next couple of months!) Thank you to everyone who has stepped up for me. I am so grateful that I have all of you in my life.
I think there is an innate fear when you are perceived as "different" or going through a rough patch. I felt terrible things about myself because I was sick. No one else did. I was the one who was not feeling supportive of me. I was the one judging myself. All of you have been on my side. I know that I have not given up on my dreams. They are still there waiting for me. And I will keep going.
When you do sign up for your next triathlon (or really with anything you're doing), just remember: you are not alone. Everyone around you has dealt with some kind of challenge. Everyone you see around you is on your team. You will get to the finish line. Just keep swimming like Dory says. I feel as if this is an appropriate place to end how Ellen Degeneres finishes each show: Be kind to one another.
Oh, and just to add an extra note: don't take life for granted. I know it sounds cheesy in writing, but you really never know when your life is going to change. Find something that you enjoy. Find your dream job. Join a new club. Challenge yourself. If you've never done a triathlon before, go do one. It's fun. And like I said, the people are great.
