A Bump in the Road

I wasn’t sure if I was going to talk about this at all in my blog since it was a very personal struggle, but I decided that I really can’t be open and share my experiences without talking about it. Also, thank you to my parents for all of the time, energy, emotion, money, etc. that you spent in helping me stay on my feet, chase my dreams, and become a stronger person.  So, here goes:

During a Memorial Day weekend soccer tournament in 2005 at the age of 15, I felt a shooting pain in my heel at the end of our second game as we were walking off the field. I never imagined that this was going to completely change the course of my life. After going to a pediatrician, I was told that I had Achilles tendinitis and that I had to take it easy for a couple weeks. The pain never went away, so I was sent to a podiatrist and put in a walking boot. I missed state ODP tryouts (Olympic Development Program). Still no relief. Next was a cast and crutches.

Throughout the next year, the pain worsened. I missed out on my favorite sport. I missed spending time with my friends. I missed a lot of school. I felt guilty for abandoning my team without a goalkeeper as I was sidelined with pain, but didn’t know why. I was sent from podiatrist to orthopedist to rheumatologist and back. It eventually progressed to the point that I could not wear socks or shoes without pain. I could not tolerate anything touching my foot or ankle. I would scream in pain any time I tried to ice it. It felt like someone twisting a hot poker around my foot. I had muscle spasms. My foot and ankle turned blue and red.

Almost a year after the initial injury, I was diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD), although now it is more commonly known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). As the name indicates, there is no simple way to describe the disease. If you want to learn more about the actual condition, I encourage you to Google or just ask me later. This post would go on forever if I tried to describe it all here.

I spent my junior and senior years of high school going to physical therapy at 6:00 in the morning so I wouldn’t miss too much school and could try to control the pain and maintain function enough to go to soccer practice after school. Oftentimes I would just skip school after physical therapy because it was too painful and distracting to go to class. Since a lot of people didn’t understand what was going on, it felt as if I lost a lot of friends. This was also around the time that Paula Abdul admitted that she had RSD and seemed to receive a lot of negative attention for telling people about the pain that she experienced on a daily basis. Eventually, my rheumatologist wanted to make sure there were no underlying orthopedic issues going on, so he sent me back to an orthopedist who did find a tarsal coalition. Although risky with RSD, we were desperate for any potential for relief and decided to have the coalition excised after my senior soccer season. The pain continued for a few years, but I think that this was ultimately the right decision to prevent any future damage.

By the time I got to college, I decided to not mention having RSD to very many people so I wouldn’t feel alienated and broken, although there were many days when I just wanted to hide in a corner and cry. I didn’t want to let this define me.

One of the most difficult parts of dealing with RSD was maintaining and developing my identity. There were times when I wondered what I was if I couldn’t be an athlete. But honestly, that wasn’t an option for me. I love sports. I love working out. This wasn’t going to stop me. I kept playing soccer competitively and on my high school varsity team. I did a few sprint distance triathlons here and there over the next few years to try to keep being active, and when my soccer career came to an end (that’s a different story entirely), I increased my triathlon distances.

I am an athlete. I am an Ironman. Nothing is going to stop me.