Cool Summer Mornings #4 International Triathlon

Wow, those emotions when I saw that I made the podium for my Age Group. We had excitement, relief, surprise, pain, confidence, pride, just to name a few.

This year is not at all how I had imagined things would be going. I thought my training was going to be steady training throughout the year, but life (and some other people), unfortunately, had other plans. My insurance decided not to cover my medication at the correct dose, wanting to remove it to force me to "prove" that it was required. This caused 10 cm of GI inflammation to get them their "proof" (apparently the treating doctor's order, notes, expertise, knowledge of my care, etc., weren't enough somehow).

Once that fight was done, and the medication was finally covered, it ended up failing completely. That's a risk they knowingly took with my life by not covering the medication appropriately in the first place. It never worked again. I was incredibly sick and facing a potential colon removal. I couldn't leave my house. I could barely walk my dogs and often had to call a pet sitter for assistance. I couldn't buy groceries. I couldn't even clean my house or mow my lawn and finally had to hire help once it got bad enough that I was having asthma attacks from it.

The lack of appropriate IBD treatment also had the lovely side effect of worsening the Complex Regional Pain Syndrome in my foot. What are the two things that are high risk for CRPS? Stress and inactivity. Well, I was under an incredible amount of stress because my body was now failing, I couldn't get my medication and my life was at risk, and now I could barely move. The CRPS pain became horrifically unbearable and even started spreading for the first time, going up to my knee. It's frightening because spreading means it could have disastrous effects and become completely unmanageable. I had to start going to physical therapy on top of everything else for nerve desensitization treatment (it's about as much fun as it sounds) to retrain the nervous system to not be in pain inappropriately.

Finally a solution! A new medication, Rinvoq, by Abbvie, hit the market! My insurance denied it. Thankfully, though, Abbvie is now covering the medication through their patient assistance program and they have literally saved my life (and my colon!). I started improving almost immediately. It was almost like a switch. I figured with Ironman California already deferred at this point, I might as well tri and see what I can do!

And that brings us to Cool Summer Mornings #4 International Distance! I signed up with my new tri club, G3 in Gainesville and started meeting lots of new friends. Mark and Kevin raced the sprint! It's great having race teammates! Race week was a rough week. I had been having night sweats and then started having aches and insomnia. I finally realized that these are symptoms of withdrawal. I was finally getting better and not needing as much nausea medication in order to eat anymore. Even when you think you're safe, something can sneak up on you! At least this one was am easy fix- just ride it out and be fine, but it was rough.

The two days leading up to the race, a dog emergency! No sleep the night before (don't worry, she'll be fine!!). I left my house at 4:00 AM to get parking and race day had begun! I can't believe I went down there and strained me knee during my warm up! How on earth did I manage that?? aah. I really had to make a hard decision. This was not an important race. How bad was this? How much of this was just nerve pain? I was not going to sacrifice competing today and risk my Ironman. That would be a stupid decision no matter what. I had to see how it felt walking it off and in the water. The first few steps were terrible, but it seemed to loosen up okay, so I was going to tentatively do it with the decision to drop out at the first sign of trouble.

5,4,3,2,1, Goooo and with that we were dashing into the water to start! This was one of the most violently packed swims I've had since Ironman 😂 and it wasn't even THAT crowded! I started mid-pack because, let's face it, I'm not at top race form right now and I'm being realistic here, and this one chick in a USA suit kept trying to swim on top of me from behind the entire first two buoys! At one point it even sounded as if she actually yelled at me to get out of the way (kind of hard to hear out there, but it really sounded like that). Ummm, you aren't actually allowed to drown people in this sport? And if you are coming up from behind in every single sport in existence, you have the duty to go around. Like, what? I was joking about this later and it was pointed out that women are more vicious in this compared to men. I don't know why, but like, come on. We all got out of there alive haha and I guess this just goes to show how important open water swim practices with your buddies really are for these things! Make sure you throw some fists in there to get ready for the real deal (just kidding 😂😂).

The bike time: oh, man this was such a lonely bike. Once I got to the second loop of the course, I was feeling pretty defeated out there. The first loop wasn't bad. We had a lot of people from the sprint catching up to the Olympic race, so there were plenty of people out there. When I got to the second loop, though, it seemed deserted. I thought I was the last one out on the course and was wondering where everyone went. It was so hard mentally. I had a really hard time not thinking about the times that I used to be competing for top spots and now I'm out here struggling and about to be swept from the course. Where did everyone go??? Triathlon is a mental sport just as much as a physical sport, and, as you can tell, the brain likes to wander. It's hard to get these thoughts out and back on track. I really had to get my mind focused on the finish line and kept thinking about the finish lines ahead. Visualize: International, Augusta 70.3, Sacramento 140.6 finish line. Finish line. Keep going.

Back to transition and on the run! People! I found the people! I wasn't last after all! just keep going. Nice and steady. I had a pretty good first 3.1 miles, but it was a really weird weather day. The morning was really cool (to the point that I had worn sweats for the first time that year). By the time the run came around, though, the humidity just hit differently compared to how it had been lately. 🥵 As I was making my toward the turnaround to the second lap, I could see the guy in front of me about to pass out. It was terrifying. Luckily it was in front of an aid station and they could see it coming on, too, so the amazing volunteers were able to get to him before he went down and help prevent him from falling. I really hope he was okay!!! When I rounded the the corner for the second lap, I was definitely on the struggle bus. I had just done 8 miles the weekend before, so I knew I was capable of running this distance, but I have to admit, I had to walk parts of this. That weather just snuck up on the day like that and the abdominal pain kicked in. I did some running/walking after mile 4 to the end and just had to listen to what my body could do the rest of the way, focusing on just forward motion. There's the finish!

I loaded up my car, preparing to go, but checked to see if they got the times worked out just before I left. I was in disbelief that I had made the podium in my age group. 2nd place AG finish.

"I used to be able to run 40 minutes faster than that." BF, "But you almost died and then came back and got 2nd." We all need some perspective sometimes. I'm still here. Still kicking. Coming back to life. Next stop Augusta 70.3 and on to Ironman California!

Cool Sommer Mornings Sprint Triathlon

"What's worse, not being able to finish or not trying?" And with that question, from my mom, I decided to give it a tri (haha). I had only signed up the week before after dealing with uncontrolled IBD since my insurance removed the correct dose of medication and then caused it to fail as a result (our health care system is a disaster). So it's been bad. I'm supposed to be doing Ironman CA, but who even knows. I just wanted to be back out there again. I miss racing. I miss training. I miss being able to do what I used to do. Being fast. And now it's just about survival. That was what this race was about for me: proving that I'm still here and still fighting.

When you're asking yourself "how much blood is an acceptable amount to lose and still race," you know you probably aren't going to be putting in any kind of record times. But it was still just the goal to just stay hydrated, go at a steady pace, and do my best, with the option of calling it if it got to the point of being a more immediate safety issue.

The Special Olympics were taking place nearby in Orlando, so this race was the host event for Triathlon. The Special Olympics wave started first on the day at 7:00AM, and my wave was not set to start until 7:47, so I had time to watch these amazing and inspiring athletes and cheer them on as they exited the water and made their way to transition. I saw local Ironman great Chris Nikic, who even had a news crew in tow. Such a great spokesperson and inspiration for the sport!

I have to say, out of everything during the day, I was the most proud of my swim. I am usually not very good at sighting, but I did so well at staying on the buoy line during the race! Just look at that map line! So straight! No getting lost or extra swimming for me this time! 

The bike was 10.5 miles. I had exactly zero outdoor bike rides since this latest bout of illness. I've been so scared to go for a bike ride because I can't even leave my house that long at a time (if you don't know what I mean with the subtlety, I mean food does not digest, sooooo...)!! I decided to try a new Garmin trainer recently because I figured if I was going to have any kind of chance at training I needed to try to have more simulated rides than my basic trainer. It's really cool because it adds resistance and you can watch videos of different courses to mimic different rides from all over the world.

But yeah, no actual bike rides for a triathlon is not really the ideal situation, but it is what it is. And that was all part of why I was just trying my best to finish the race. I know I get most sick usually if my heart rate or breathing fluctuates too much, so that was my main focus was being steady, especially on hills. No hills were worth powering up and ending the day (back when I could actually really race, I would eat hills for breakfast haha, I was so good at climbing!!).

I was definitely struggling by the time the run came. I had already vomited a bit, but I was still trying to just go with the easy and steady pace to just finish. The lake was beautiful and racers were all super friendly (as always, that's why I love these events). The nausea was kicking in more and more while I was getting further in, but as I got closer and closer to the finish, I knew I could make it, even if it was hard. I had to at that point. The rest could come later.

Once the finish line was closing in, it was game- time. Another athlete was right next to me coming into the finishing-chute, and there was an instant, unspoken understanding that we were racing to the finish. I'm pretty sure that's how friends are made in this sport! Congratulations on your first tri, Gretchen, and thanks for a great finish!

Food is stress. Food is fuel. Food is life.

Food for Inflammatory Bowel Disease is one of the most stressful parts of this disease! It feels as if I do not know how to eat anymore. I have actually panicked in grocery stores to the point of almost running out in tears not sure what I could even eat safely. Food is also incredibly important for triathletes. So I'm going to use my blog to share some of my random fun food musings and tips for athletes and fellow IBDers. Every person with IBD has different food "triggers" and a lot of it is trial and error. There is unfortunately not a magic list to figure it out. Usually during flares, it is recommended to have more easily digestible foods, such as liquids or lower fiber content.

I bought a Ninja Foodi on Prime Day last year and it was honestly one of the best purchases of my life. It makes food preparation so easy and fast. For someone who has limited time and energy for cooking due to disease and life and training, it really is a game-changer. 

Homemade yogurt- 

I've actually been using my Ninja to make my own yogurt at home. It is cheaper overall to be able to make it at home and pretty easy to do, too! You can use any kind of Ninja or Instapot. The first time you make the yogurt, you will use a plain yogurt starter with active cultures, similar to the method of saving a sourdough starter. With the Ninja: just turn pour in the milk, seal the lid, turn the setting to yogurt, and push start! That's it! The Ninja does the boiling and cooling steps for you. In a few hours you will add the Greek yogurt, stir, and ferment (about 8 hours). Put the yogurt in the fridge to set for about 8 hours. This makes a regular yogurt, which is a little runny but perfectly good still if you are looking for regular yogurt. But now we can also make it fancy and expand our protein/probiotic baking options if we so desire. If you are using regular yogurt, save 3 tablespoons for your next batch. 

For Greek yogurt, put the yogurt through a strainer after it is set. This will leave you with a thick yogurt portion, and a yellow-ish color yogurt whey. The yogurt whey has active cultures and can be used for your subsequent batches of yogurt. You can also use it for some healthy baking! And now, you can use your Greek yogurt however you desire. My personal favorite is homemade smoothies with berries, cherries, Greenwise chocolate Protein (free of carrageenan and artificial sweeteners!!!), cherries, and honey.

Health Stuff-

The strained yogurt whey can be used as a substitute for any recipe that calls for buttermilk. According to Livestrong, the strained whey, which is acid-based, is low in fat and cholesterol, so it can be used as a healthy baking substitute in many recipes. If you see a buttermilk recipe, the substitution is 20% less yogurt whey since they whey is runnier than buttermilk. So the nutrition benefits if the yogurt whey: It is a rich in B vitamins, and has some calcium, and potassium. And then some of your cultures, too, since you fermented it so nicely. Of course, the primary carbohydrate is lactose, so if lactose is the your trigger, or if you are lactose intolerant, stay away!

Blueberry Muffins-

1.  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly grease the cups or a standard muffin pan or line with baking cups.
2. Whisk together the flour, brown sugar, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon. Rinse and pat dry the blueberries with a towel. Stir in the blueberries last.
3. In a separate small bowl, whisk together the vanilla, canola oil, and yogurt whey.
4. Pour the liquid ingredients into the dry ingredients, stirring just to combine.
5. Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin cups and fill them until full. 
6. Bake the muffins for 18-20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the middle of one of the center muffins comes out clean.
7. Remove from the oven and let cool. Once cool enough to handle (about 5 minutes), transfer to a cooling rack.

Comeback 2021- Race Report!

 Race Report- Wow it feels good to be able to type that.

This finisher's medal is probably the single most significant medal that I've achieved because it wasn't just about this race or this finish line. It has been about the giant life fall, and trying to dig myself out of this hole back to some semblance of life. This medal is six years of an autoimmune disease (Inflammatory Bowel Disease), lots of different Gastroenterology specialists, nine episodes of clostridium difficile infections with three Fecal Microbiota Transplants (thank you, kind strangers, for your donations), five failed immunomodulators, two rounds of low-dose chemotherapy medications, multiple rounds of steroids, a broken foot with a lost medical career courtesy of a medical school professor with subsequent Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and foot surgery... and a Dad who decided to throw us away... six years of pain... six years of nausea... six years of trying to get my life back.... This medal is my fight.

I signed up for the the 38th Annual Great Clermont Triathlon a couple weeks ago, so it was a little bit of a last minute decision after I was able to successfully complete the bike and run distance in a brick during training so I thought it would be a great time for me to go ahead and give it a go. I was feeling so strong then, even finishing a sub-hour run for my 10K in practice! At the time, I was feeling so great, that after talking to my doctor's office, we decided it would be worth it to try to taper down from the Prednisone to see if the current biologic medication would be able to work on its own yet. Unfortunately, it did not. So for the past two weeks, I started to have an increase in some of my symptoms with pain and nausea, and had to start increasing the Prednisone again. What started out as excitement and confidence for the race turned into nerves and anxiety pretty quickly. But that still wasn't going to stop me. I signed up and I was going to do it!

Pre-Race

Goals: Finish. Have fun. Smile. Build Confidence. Don't poop in my onesie (one of the issues that I took for granted and never had to think about pre-IBD lol, sorry if it's TMI, but it's my blog and I'm going to post what I want). It's really hard emotionally and mentally when I was racing before for top spots, but now I'm just trying to figure out my body, what I can do, have fun, and finish. Sometimes it's important to just take a step back and appreciate what you CAN do and focus on that. And that is okay. You are competing for you. And that is it.

One of the many Prednisone side effects- Insomnia! Not good for racing. Or life. But that's just how it is. So, not the best sleep. But race day came and it was time to go!

Once I found my spot in transition, my mind started going through auto-pilot. I am thankful to have at least had enough experience and practice that my set-up was pretty much second-nature. I almost forgot to set up my Gu, but luckily I remembered before it was too late! One of the girl's next to me was talking about how this was her first time racing without her Dad because of health issues. This hit me hard because this was my first time racing without mine, too, but for different reasons. I was about to cry and wanted to just give her a big hug (but, social distancing and all), so we had a quick pep talk. My Dad does not get to ruin anything else for me. This race is for me. OWWWW fire ant bite. Ok drama over. Thanks Florida.

Swim (1.5 K)

So, I definitely did not train as much as I would want with swimming, but I think everyone is pretty much in the same boat here. With COVID restrictions, it is hard to schedule pool time that fits into the work schedule. And I didn't do any open water swimming. I'm very fortunate to have had a swimming background to rely on. I was a bit nervous about the water temperature because it is March and my wetsuit has holes in it. I didn't really have enough time or money to fix it up beforehand, so I was just hoping that the water was going to be warm enough. They said it was 68, which was fine. They had wave starts to make sure that everyone was socially distanced, so there was not to much fighting or swimming over each other. It was a pretty uneventful swim. I do really need to work on my sighting, though! That was pretty crooked, lol

Bike (43 K)

The bike course is slightly longer than a regular Olympic, but that's okay. The one thing that I was not really prepared for was the hills. When we hit the first hill, my legs wanted to hit race mode. I used to be a really strong hill-climber and could pick people off pretty easily, so I started going. As soon as I did, though, I could feel the abdominal pain starting to kick in. I don't really know the connection here, but for some reason, if I do a really have speed or hill set, the abdominal pain will feel like someone shot me with a cross-bow and I won't be able to move. My legs wanted to go, but my brain knew that if I did, my race would literally end on this hill. The race was not about this hill, though. This was just one little obstacle. "Who put this hill here?" I joked out loud to get my legs and body to calm down.

Run (10 K)

I felt really strong coming off of the bike and starting my run. This was going to be great. The last leg of the race and I was going to be a triathlete once again. I hit a pretty good pace for my first mile. By mile 3, the abdominal pain and nausea hit hard. The pain was pretty bad. I had to get to that finish, though. I was almost done. I mean, 3 miles is a long way while in pain, but in the grand scheme of things, 3 miles was nothing. I had to just keep my body moving. One foot in front of the other. Keep smiling. Keep moving. One of the things I love about triathlon is the camaraderie and atmosphere. That's what kept me going. The people. Get to the party. Get to the music. Get to the tents. Get to the announcer. Get to the finish. Get that medal.

Team Challenge

My ultimate goal this year is to race in Ironman California in Sacramento on October 24th, 2021. I am racing with Team Challenge for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. They do research, patient education, outreach, etc. so that hopefully we can have cures for these horrible diseases one day. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to my campaign so far. I am hoping to raise $1,000 for CCFA by the big race in October. Also, I know there is a log of stigma still out there about autoimmune diseases, especially with Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis since a lot of people think that they are "just bathroom diseases." If anyone ever has questions or wants any information, please feel free to reach out and ask! https://www.facebook.com/donate/1779102638922629

And a final thank you to Rudy Project for keeping me on as an athlete through all of this. Such amazing support and products.

If You See Something, Say Something

When I see articles or watch the news about cases of abuse I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that often times, other people knew what was happening. People could have stopped it. But they didn’t. Why?

The story that I’m going to tell, while nowhere near as bad as rampant abuse cases that have come to light over the past several years, I believe sheds light on how these things are allowed to happen. It is my own story about an injury that changed the trajectory of my life. Because I want to stop these stories from becoming an accepted part of our society or part of the normal pathway to reaching your career or life aspirations, I am speaking up now. And I encourage all of you to do the same. If you see something, say something.

I know I’m not the first person who has ever been injured by a superior, and I know I’m not the first person who has been harmed at a school by an individual in a position of authority. I did not speak up publicly sooner because I was attempting to go through what I considered to be the proper channels. I trusted my professors and believed that, as medical professionals who were also responsible for my own medical education, that they would do the right thing. I am telling my story now to encourage others to tell their stories and to speak up if you see something that’s not right. In the medical field, especially, you have a moral duty, and in many jurisdictions a legal one, to report ethical violations committed by licensed practitioners.

Here is my story:
Imagine being awakened in the middle of the night by an intense burning pain that feels as if someone took a knife out of hot coals and started stabbing you repeatedly in the foot. That’s what Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) feels like. After dealing with so much from the Crohn’s Disease lately and having a total of 9 episodes of c. diff infections, I feel as if I am finally starting to improve on the gastrointestinal front. I am finally starting to exercise again, albeit not what I used to be doing. On several occasions, I have left the gym in tears because after everything I’ve been through with the illness, I still face the reality that I may never be able to run normally again after being injured by a professor in medical school. It’s been over three years, and I have been in pain every day.

I had CRPS several years ago that had completely resolved. In fact, I completed an Ironman in 2012 with no foot pain at all. And I became more competitive at Olympic distance triathlons from 2013-2015, with several age-group and all-around woman podiums and invitations to compete at Nationals. CRPS is usually brought on by an injury. The first time was because of a tarsal coalition (a congenital [present at birth] malformation that typically presents in the teen years). I had surgery when I was 17 and worked hard with physical therapy and training to resolve the condition. I was completely pain free for several years.

In the recent case, the injury that led to the recurrence of CRPS was caused by Dr. Wesley Lockhart, a professor at Touro University Nevada College of Osteopathic Medicine. Dr. Lockhart told me to be the demonstration patient (the person being practiced upon for learning osteopathic manipulations) for our group to learn a manipulation technique of the fibula. But then, without my permission or any prior warning, he did a manipulation (for those in the field- high velocity low amplitude [HVLA]) on my foot that was not what we were supposed to be learning that day. Everyone in my group heard my foot pop. And then came the pain. Because of my history, I never would have allowed anyone to do a manipulation on my foot. I hoped the pain was just a fluke and would resolve, since even normal manipulations can cause temporary pain. I certainly did not want to make trouble for Dr. Lockhart- a physician and professor, whom I trusted. And I did not believe that he set out to injure me intentionally. When the pain did not resolve after about a week, I knew that I would need to seek medical treatment, so I reported the injury to the course director, as we were instructed to do in our syllabus for any injury that occurred in class.

It was soon after I reported the incident that the harassment began. I was cornered by another professor and told that I should not have been in medical school with a history of a foot injury. This statement left me baffled. There has never been any reason that a person with a history of a foot injury would not be eligible for medical school (which had healed years before starting school- I am an Ironman, afterall… Not to mention, that’s just an absurd thing to say regardless). His words turned out to be foreboding, as he was setting the stage for what would become a pattern of intimidation and badgering by professors and administrators. I had already received an e-mail by the director of Office of Academic Services and Institutional Support (OASIS) asking if I was leaving the school soon after reporting the injury. I thought this was absurd since I was doing well in my classes and had good grades. To me, it seemed that their game plan was to do everything they could to chase me out of school rather than right the wrong. Although the course director initially told me that the school was going to pay for the treatment, the dean of student affairs then called me into his office and backtracked, telling me that they would “pay for the initial evaluation but would not make any other promises.”

At this point, things went from bad to worse. The course director had told me that I was not to be the demonstration patient anymore. I felt singled-out and isolated. Because of the course director’s edict, my groups took longer in class because, while we would normally partner off to practice, I was required to be in a group of three to give everyone a chance to practice each technique. For our practicals, we would normally be randomly assigned to demonstrate on another student. For individuals who were not allowed to be the demonstration patient (i.e., if they had an injury to an area that was the focal point of the exam), the syllabus said that we were supposed to bring a surrogate (another student willing to volunteer to be the demonstration patient for our practical). At one of our exams, when I was randomly assigned to the earliest exam time, I had to scramble to find someone willing to arrive early. When I had asked one of my friends, who would have otherwise been willing to go, she told me that she was exempt from being the demonstration patient for that particular type of exam. Unlike me, though they always assigned a partner for her for practicals from which she was exempt from being the demonstration patient. I was being held to different rules than other students.

Maybe it was just coincidental, but I noticed the same pattern from professors that I barely knew. In a subsequent class, when I was told by another professor to be the demonstration patient in my group for manipulations, I responded that I could not, as was the standard protocol. I expected that he would just ask someone else. Instead, the professor berated me in front of my classmates.

Mistakes happen, but it is our choices that reveal our character. While I do not believe the actual injury was intentional, Dr. Lockhart has shown no remorse to me. To this day, Dr. Lockhart has yet to apologize. In my opinion, it is terrifying that someone who chose not to take responsibility for causing physical harm to another human being is not only continuing to practice medicine, but is also still teaching the next generation of physicians. In my opinion, all of the professors and administrators who had knowledge of the incident, or were involved in the aftermath, had a duty to ensure a safe environment, and all failed. Not only did they fail, but they chose to make a bad situation worse. From my prior experience, if someone has demonstrated a willingness to cross the line of morality, it does not only happen once. As the intimidation escalated, I felt unsafe. If I could be injured and so easily tossed aside, what was going to prevent this from happening to me again? Or to one of my classmates? How was this going to impact my career prospects if I continued because I reported a problem? I ultimately made the decision to withdraw from Touro, leaving me with approximately $90K in debt (plus interest) for that school year and ending my medical career.

Once it was made clear to me that Dr. Lockhart and the school were not going to take responsibility for the injury, I felt that I had to get a lawyer. My reason for this was two-fold: 1) to try to act as a deterrent so this would not happen to someone else and, 2) I did have to try to recoup the money that I spent on the injury and the school year. One of my biggest regrets of this whole case is that by trying to achieve the first aim of preventing this from happening again, I was not supposed to talk about the case while it was on-going. One of my biggest fears is that this temporary silence could provide the opportunity for another student to be injured. I sincerely hope that nothing else has happened. This case was settled by a summary judgment (a judge decided it). During settlement discussions, I had been offered $25K more as part of a settlement that would have required me to sign a confidentiality agreement. I refused. I knew that I could never forgive myself if someone else got hurt when I could do something to try to stop it. My integrity is more valuable to me than money. I have my voice. And I will use it.

Even if this story prevents just one injury or encourages just one person to speak up when something goes wrong, that decision will have been worth it. And if everyone speaks up, maybe one day we won’t have any more stories like this in the future.

To my classmates and friends who are finding out their matches, Congratulations! I truly wish you all the best in your residencies and the rest of your careers as physicians. It was an honor and privilege to be your classmate, even if just for a short time.

As of now, I am trying my best to move forward. I got my Master’s in Public Health. And since this is my triathlon blog, I will end with this: I want to be able to race again and keep hoping that I will be able to.

My Mom's First Triathlon

Reprinted from Deborah AdairThis is my mom's blog post on her first triathlon.

Swim, Bike ... RUN

The medic was pouring ice cold water over me, barely even waiting for my permission. In a reversal of roles, my daughter Kelsey was hovering, telling me to go sit down in the shade. She told me later that I had looked pretty bad.

Only the afternoon before, when I announced to my husband (a nationally ranked Ironman) that I was going to race, I was mostly joking. But somehow after the words came out of my mouth, they became a decision. It was the afternoon before The 19^thAnnual Granite Bay Triathlon, a sprint distance triathlon: .75-mile swim, 13-mile bike, 5-mile run. I knew that the bike would be no problem, but I swim only occasionally just 50 laps of a sparkling clean pool. And I don’t run.

So I sorted through my clothing options. An old one-piece bathing suit and scratched up goggles, a pair of bike shorts with minimal padding. My shoes that only ever see the inside of the gym. And my Rudy Project glasses. Those were essential. Kelsey offered to loan me a running visor, which I refused because I don’t usually run with a hat. I don’t run.

My husband reminded me that I don’t run. I really don’t. In fact, I hate running. I told him that all of that time on the boring elliptical trainer at the gym has got to count toward something. And to prove my point, I put on my shoes and ran a mile around the neighborhood. See? I can run!

The good thing about deciding the day before is that there wasn’t a lot of time for nerves to get in my way. My friend Kirby was racing for the first time also, and he doesn’t swim or bike. But he’s Kirby. Part of my motivation to race is to honor my daughter Kelsey. This race is hosted by TBF Racing. Kelsey is like some type of legend or best friend with these people. She has raced and won and volunteered and cheered with TBF for several years, and everyone out there knows and loves her. But right now, she is debilitated from Crohn’s Disease. She had gotten up out of bed that morning to cheer for Kirby and me. She mustered a happy face through her pain and discomfort. And all of her TBF friends were happy to see her out there. And around TBF I am known as Kelsey’s mom.

At the start of the race, the announcer asked how many people were racing for the first time. Quite a few of us raised our hands. I felt better, less of an imposter. Then we were off!! Another newbie and I had decided to start at the back of the heap. I thought through what little I knew about open-water swimming. Kelsey’s advice the night before was to alternate breathing right to left. And in between look ahead. That sounded reasonable, but when I swim at my gym. I have a side to hold onto whenever I want to stop and rest. In the lake there’s no side and no bottom to stand on. And this water was not sparkling clean. As I swam, I heard the woman behind me (yes, behind me) gasping.  The monitor on the kayak instinctively followed alongside her. I stopped and reminded her that he was there, but she stubbornly refused to stop to hang on.  I couldn’t see the buoy, so I followed the feet in front of me and tried not to get kicked. The only other swimming tip that I could recall was that in triathlon, you swim with your arms and save your legs for the run. I kept trying to remind myself to save my legs, but when I was as far away from shore as I’ve ever been in my life, I was also thinking that I really wanted to make it back safely, and I didn’t want to hang onto the kayak.

At last the gooey shore was under my feet, and I ran through the swim finish. I high-fived the new girl who had started with me, as we got out of the water at the same time. The lake was low, so we had about ½-mile to trudge up the hill to get to our bike transition. I decided against running back to transition, thinking that I’d better save my legs for the run.

At bike transition I realized there were some details of triathlon I’d wished I had learned ahead of time. My feet were covered in sand, and now it was time to put on socks. I wished I’d packed extra water to clean them off. I brushed them off the best I could with my towel, got into my bike gear, had some water and a handful of peanuts and headed out. I’m not going to say that the bike was easy. It was relatively uneventful. I did drop my chain (which has been an annoying issue lately). And I learned something very interesting. One of the bicyclists stopped and asked if I needed help. How nice and unexpected that offer was! I was fine. I didn’t need help, but it was encouraging that he genuinely wanted to help. The one bit of bike advice I knew was to “spin.” Keep your bike in a lower gear and save your legs for the run.

On these sprint distance triathlons, you see all different shapes, sizes, and abilities. I have a pretty decent bike. There were plenty of cruiser bikes and racers with sneakers. I even saw some pedals with straps. Of course plenty of people were in it for the competition, but I’d say that most, like me, were in it for the experience. Ok, I’ll confess, I did make a point to power past a couple people on the bike.

Triathlon is a cruel sport. They make you do the worst thing last. Running. I don’t run.

I had already decided to run in my bike shorts and bathing suit. I know that I did not make much of a fashion statement, but it was the best choice with practically no time to prepare. And I did, after all, have my Rudy Projects. So all I had to do at the second transition was hang my bike on the rack and change shoes. Oh yes, take off the helmet. I only remembered that because of how many times Kelsey had mentioned it before the race. Take off the helmet.

I started off the run at a walk. Yes, I didn’t even run onto the course. I wanted to actually drink the water and Gatorade that were handed to me rather than wear them. I figured that I could probably run a mile before needing to walk. After all, I had proven to my husband just the night before that I could run a mile. And so I started to run. I planned to run to the 1-mile marker. Trail running is a lot different than the running that I don’t do in my neighborhood. It’s bumpy. And hilly. And hot. Well, maybe I wouldn’t run the whole first mile. I’d run most of it and then walk. Well, maybe I’ll run a little and walk a little. After a few rounds of running and walking, I hit the 1-mile marker. Really? Only a mile?? Maybe they hadn’t measured that one very well. Maybe I should have gone to the bathroom before I ran. But it’s only 5 miles. I’ll be fine.

As the run course went past the park area, I took one more look at the bathrooms. These were clean. I don’t want to stop at a porta potty. But, no, I’ll be fine, I thought. It’s less than 4 more miles. By this time, my cycles of running were becoming shorter, and walking was becoming longer. I was saving my legs for the last 2 miles.

There were people handing out water and more Gatorade. Kelsey had told me to stay hydrated, so I took both. At least I tried to. An issue with my spine makes it difficult for me to grab things with my right hand, so that first cup of Gatorade ended up spilling down my front. The volunteers handed me another. I drank the Gatorade and most of the water. I was sure there’d be another bathroom. I poured the rest of my water down my shoulders to cool down. I was hot. That hat would have been nice to have.

In triathlon, even though it’s a race, everyone is very supportive. The racers and staff and volunteers all want to see you accomplish your goals. My friend Nanc was volunteering by holding back traffic at an intersection. I made sure that I was running when I passed her. She called out to me, “Good job, Deborah.” I waved at her happily, appreciating her encouragement. As soon as I’d passed by, I was back to a walk. I was saving my legs for that last mile.

It’s amazing how much farther each mile looks on hills and dirt than it does in my neighborhood. Fewer and fewer people were behind me know. I wondered a couple times if there was anyone at all. I kept going, thinking that right around the corner, it would get easier and that maybe there’d be a portapotty.

Finally, I reach the last turnaround. There was Mark Davis, a TBF staffer cheering me on. He recognized me with “You’re Kelsey’s person” and followed along for several yards while detailing the remainder of the course. There was Nanc again. Waving and encouraging. I did not bother to smile or pretend to run. I waved back, but not the friendly kind of wave. I was saving my legs and my energy for the last ½ mile.

At last the bumpy trail smoothed out, and soon I was on the straightaway, the parking lot. This I should be able to run. But here was the bathroom. Yes! I would make a stop at the bathroom and then run the rest of the way in.

And so I did. The announcer said my name, and my husband and Kelsey and Kirby were all there waiting for me. And so was the medic. Apparently, I did not look too good when I got there, but I cooled down quickly. Kirby had finished a full 30 minutes before me. But he’s Kirby.

And so ended my first and ONLY triathlon. I finished. I was not last. But so many of my friends have offered their congratulations. People are talking about my accomplishment. I was congratulated again on Monday at the gym.

I’ll need to start running.

My Support Crew

Look at the people around you at your next race. You will see a teacher, a doctor, a firefighter, student, a salesman, a cashier, a lifelong athlete, first-time athlete, a single parent, a grandparent, a veteran, a cancer survivor, someone with a chronic illness, someone grief-stricken with loss of a loved one, a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister. The list goes on and on. Who do you really see? Your support crew. Your triathlon family. Everyone you see around you getting ready for this race has a different story. Everyone has a different background. Everyone is trying to get to the finish line. We're all in this race together.

One of the things that I absolutely love about triathlon, and the endurance community in general, is the people, the spirit, and the camaraderie. Athletes are always so supportive of each other. Triathlon is a great way to meet incredible people and amazing friends. When athletes pass each other, you will always hear "good job," or "keep up the good work," "looking good," etc. When athletes have flats, mechanicals, injuries, or whatever, there will always be other athletes and support asking to help.

I have been fortunate to have experienced a lot of these positives in my life. Being diagnosed with any chronic illness is life changing. I have always been the type of person who thought that I could control everything. I have learned that I can't. I felt so isolated- as if no one could possibly know what I was going through. I felt guilty for being an inconvenience. I felt guilty for not following through with my dreams in triathlon and school. I felt guilty for being slow with my responsibilities and school work. I convinced myself that I must have done something wrong in my life, and I even asked my mom if I killed a box of puppies or something terrible when I was a kid. I knew that it somehow had to be my fault. I felt worthless. I felt like a failure. I kept wondering if all of this was real or if I was imagining the whole thing (Parts of the manifestations of the 5 stages of grief...)

Ulcerative Colitis is one of those things that a lot of people don't like to talk about because a lot of the symptoms are embarrassing or taboo to talk about socially. It is something that others cannot see on the outside, so many people decide to hide how they feel. If it weren't for already having this blog, I probably would not have talked about my disease either. But I've already shared a lot about my triathlon journey, and health is most definitely relevant to triathlon.

Looking back on the past year and a half, I have come to realize that I am incredibly lucky to have such a great support system. My family is going through this just as much as I am. They can't feel the physical pain, but they see it. They can feel the emotional pain. They've been there for me to take care of me. Whenever I have shared or talked about my experiences with friends, they've all been there for me. I was really excited to be able to represent my new (starting in 2015) sponsor Rudy Project at USAT Nationals last year. I was looking forward to meeting them in person at their booth at the race expo because they have been so nice to me. When I realized that I could not go to Nationals because I was sick, I dreaded making the phone call because I felt guilty for not being there when Rudy Project has been so great to me and fun to represent (with fabulous sunglasses and helmets). When I talked to them, they told me to take care of my health first. It is truly amazing to be able to work with such a great company and to know that they are supportive. 

I just wanted to take the time to say thank you to everyone who has been there for me. Thank you to my family and friends who have taken care of me. Thank you for giving me injections (because I don't like needles). Thank you for driving me around when I needed help. Thank you for listening to and reading about all of my goings on. Thank you for learning about ulcerative colitis and asking questions about what I'm dealing with. Thank you for sharing your class notes. Thank you for feeding my cat and taking care of my tree. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms when I am training or hanging out (special shoutout to my Total Intensity Sports peeps). Thank you to Rudy Project for your support (I will race again! Hopefully in the next couple of months!) Thank you to everyone who has stepped up for me. I am so grateful that I have all of you in my life.

I think there is an innate fear when you are perceived as "different" or going through a rough patch. I felt terrible things about myself because I was sick. No one else did. I was the one who was not feeling supportive of me. I was the one judging myself. All of you have been on my side. I know that I have not given up on my dreams. They are still there waiting for me. And I will keep going.

When you do sign up for your next triathlon (or really with anything you're doing), just remember: you are not alone. Everyone around you has dealt with some kind of challenge. Everyone you see around you is on your team. You will get to the finish line. Just keep swimming like Dory says. I feel as if this is an appropriate place to end how Ellen Degeneres finishes each show: Be kind to one another.

Oh, and just to add an extra note: don't take life for granted. I know it sounds cheesy in writing, but you really never know when your life is going to change. Find something that you enjoy. Find your dream job. Join a new club. Challenge yourself. If you've never done a triathlon before, go do one. It's fun. And like I said, the people are great.